Iām male aged 19-22, I have an older brother about 4-5 years older (giving age ranges for better anonymity). Relationship is⦠not good (read: itās terrible, horrifyingly terrible, arch-nemesis). How about you?
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I have a brother who is younger than me by 6 years. Our upbringing was a bit weird. Our parents basically forbid anything that might cause them inconvenience, irritation, or expense - which was most things that might interest a kid. (No, theyāre not religious, which is the first question that everyone asks. Theyāre just raging assholes who are also a bit stupid. I canāt really explain it much beyond that.)
In addition to the manipulation and emotional abuse, they rewarded us if we informed on each other. I seldom did. Not through any great virtue or integrity of my own, but because I routinely got punished for the stupid shit he did. For instance, I didnāt tell them when our adult neighbor shot little bro with an air rifle because I knew he would catch absolute hell for being in the position of getting shot with an air rifle. Even if I didnāt catch hell about it, it was miserable to watch him get screamed at. For context on this story - we had been told to stay away from Steveās yard because Steve was a known psycho with a hatred for neighbor kids. On that glorious summer day, Steve had dropped a $5 bill on his driveway just inside the property line⦠and was waiting for a kid to come by and be dumb enough to try to pick it up.
I might actually tell that one at their funeral.
By contrast, bro was younger and never got any blowback if I was doing something wrong. He actually recorded me talking on the phone with a friend when I was in middle school. He picked up the other line and held one of those shitty '70s tape recorders to the earpiece. Talking on the phone was forbidden and he was collecting proof to use against me. My friend and I werenāt plotting shit, I wasnāt grounded (the concept was foreign because we were never really allowed to go out or do things like talk on the phone anyway), it was just forbidden to talk on the phone.
I could excuse it when he was eight, but he passed along ādirtā on me well into his late teens and my twenties. He was under pressure from them as well, but he basically shredded any idea of trust between us for far too many times to count. I forgot what the final straw was, but I remember thinking, āI can never confide in this person and feel trust.ā In every meaningful way, Iāve ignored him for the last 20 years.
Heās probably the least shitty thing about family gatherings, but thatās not saying much.
Man I feel for both of you in this situation. Obviously he could have made a decision at some point in his life to stop being shitty, and he didnāt, so thatās on him and I donāt blame you one bit for not having a relationship with him (or much of one). But I can also imagine a kid with really shitty parents who gets ārewardedā for essentially alienating their older sibling in this manner, so he does that in the hopes that it will strengthen an otherwise toxic bond with the parents. Which of course it really doesnāt, but no kid is going to understand that. Any kid wants good parents who love them. Oh man, Iām so sorry, for both of you but mostly for you.
Wow, your family and your neighbor are such asshole people. Iām glad you are out of there.
Iām 59 and have a sister who is 61. She went all out Trump Christian years ago and we barely talk
Thatās sad.
Had a older brother lost him 6 years ago found him again last year now weāre best brothers again
Two younger sisters. The age difference is quite big, I am 8 years older than one and 13 years older than the other. Thatās just a possible side-effect of being born when your parents were VERY young.
The older of the two I barely speak with, no real animosity we just simply have nothing in common.
The youngest one I speak with a little bit more often, as we do share some similar personality traits - I see a lot of myself in her from when I was younger.
The final complication is that I live on the opposite side of the country from them. So no in-person visiting.
I have two older brothers. One is an unhinged hypochondriac thatās gets off on fighting with people, and the other is a white supremacist. Havenāt talked to either in about 5 years. I have a brown daughter.
Older sister by the same age range as yourself, OP. As kids we fought, when she made it to college we became closer, when she entered adulthood things got strained as she and my family did not approve of my SO (they were right, she was terrible), and once we were both adults we are friendly. We donāt really have much in common as she very much lives a āLeave It To Beaverā type life (kids, house in the burbs, stay at home mom) and my SO and I are DINKs, do extreme sports like rock climbing and backcountry ski/splitboard, and have no plans to have kids (vasectomy on the horizon). So we keep in touch but donāt connect on a lot of things besides our shared family members / updates on my nephews
I have a younger brother and a younger sister.
I donāt really speak to my brother. I see him a couple of times a year when the family gets together but we donāt have anything to talk about anymore. Heās autistic so maybe he canāt help it but heās impossible to have a normal relationship with. Heās never had a job because he cant be trusted with any kind of responsibility. He canāt stay away from alcohol if itās available and he canāt handle it at all. Itās always the same when he drinks. First he gets overly excited and itās very awkward because his whole personality changes. Then he gets easily irritated and gets into arguments about petty stuff nobody cares about, but he just canāt let go.
He regularly texts family members about how they have let him down when heās getting drunk at night. He gets way more support than he deserves though. Once he just texted me āIām sorryā and turned his phone off. Naturally I got worried when I couldnāt reach him so I called mom, she told me not to worry though, turns out he just does that sometimes.
My sister and I get along much better but I worry sheās losing it. Sheās easily the smartest and most socially capable of the three of us but sheās never had a job outside of telemarketing and now sheās too depressed to work at all. We donāt have many relatives but the few we do have have a tendency to end up alone, bitter and severely unhealthy as they get old, and itās starting to seem like thatās where sheās heading.
Iām very worried theyāre both gonna come ask me for money when our parents are gone.
Got an older sibling by 2 years. We donāt talk weekly, but we are still quite close when we do talk. Always have been close. Never big fights and usually got along really well.
As kids we used to āmanage a businessā together (it was plushie based) - we entertained ourselves during long car rides with that business.
I get along really well with their partner, I am like a mix between the two of them. We can talk about everything. They called me when they had shit going on (like their gender), they took care of me when I was suicidal.
We are early thirties
My younger sister is FTM. Sheās always been a loud asshole, and I had hoped that maybe living as a man was the cause of it. Nope, still a loud asshole. Just with different hardware. Love her to death, though.
Way better than my crackhead Trump-supporting older sister.
I have an older brother by 4-5 years.
We didnāt really get along when we were young. Fought over things - games, TV remote, CD player, etc.
But when he left for college, we grew closer. He still lived nearby, and my folks encouraged us hanging out. It was sort of an escape. Home life wasnāt great, and he and his friends were fun. He was around for a lot of my pivotal life moments. When I finally got to college, I moved in with him as roommates. Worked well.
Weāre friends, basically. We have very different personalities - but we understand each other very well.
Now we live in different cities, hours apart. Heās married with a kid. Iām married and childfree. We see each other a few times a year. We text and call regularly.
I guess in this sense, Iām quite lucky.
I appreciate that everyone doesnāt have perfect relationships with their siblings.
Growing up, my parents made me feel horrible for having a bad one with my sibling. As though there was something wrong with me.
To this day, I carry a lot of shame around it, as in, how can I expect to have healthy relationships with friends and professional relationships at work if I couldnāt even manage one with my sister?
So, thank you all for making me feel less like an anomaly.
Looking at my parents and their siblings (varying degrees of almost no contact to some contact with one exception that is good), and looking at my sibling (really good), it has nothing to do with you. Itās just, two people that shared an environment growing up, and those two people can be close or not.
I feel very grateful for my sibling, but thatās just it. We happen to have the personalities that match.
Itās not your fault.
Thatās a very even way of looking at it. I canāt tell you how much that perspective means to me, and how much that makes sense.
I think thatās the lens Iāll try to embrace when I look at our relationship moving forward.
I have three younger siblings. Our relationship is basically that of acquaintances.
I have 9 other siblings, ranging in age from 27 to 48 years old (I think⦠itās hard to keep track lol)
My relationships with them all border on good/tolerable. We are very fortunate to be on good terms, despite our very very different beliefs.
I think it stems from the fact that we were never raised with malice/anger being an option in our home. Frustrated? Yes. Very much. But we were never hateful. There was always someone to bond with, and no one ever felt singled-out.
It also helps that we all like our space and were mostly respectful and understanding of that aspect as we grew up. It can be a bit difficult for all of us to make friends who āgetā us like our family does, so letting loose at get-togethers is always fun and hilarious.
Younger bro, 2 year age gap. I wonāt say everything is amazing all the time weāve been going through some shit but, heās legit my best friend. Iād do almost anything for him.
Younger brother 3-4 years younger, it began as me basically taking my anger out on him when we were kids (I pushed him into the street once). But now? Weāre at a neutral stand point, however i do get uneasy when I donāt hear him in his room. He works now and him being gone feels like iām missing part of my āpackā to make things simple.