(Yes, I’m aware of these bait-y titles.)
Anyway, I’m 23 years old. I live in my house with my wife. We have many teens in the neighborhood, which is good for my sister-in-law but one of them took a particular liking to me.
The girl and I just casually started talking when I would go for walks, for example. She then started acting really weird, like giggly or flushed. She told me she was bi but preferred women. I’m a lesbian.
Eventually, she confessed that she had feelings for me, though she knew I couldn’t return them. She has also told her friend (19F) that we are dating, when I told her this was not the case and I was married.
I am married and do not like this fourteen-year-old girl. How do I be respectful about not returning her feelings even if she knows I’m married?
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Why do you need to be respectful? If this is even a real story just tell her you’re not interested and you’re married. It’s not complicated
This story is already strange and OPs post history contradicts it. Seems fake.
These fictional relationship stories are getting out if hand. 23 years old with a house.
It belongs to my parents to be fair, we all live there.
Lawyer up. A few hundred dollars now is worth every penny if you need one later.
Just get them to help you and what to watch out for.
In this order:
Tell other adults you trust about the situation. Your wife. Her parents if possible. More than one other person.
Explain to her in very clear terms that you can’t have that kind of relationship. It’s not about what anybody feels, it’s about what is possible.
At the FIRST sign of any type of revenge seeking behavior, that’s when you consider the authorities and rely on backup from the adults you spoke to.
She very well might listen to you, process the rejection for what it is, and move on. Or she might flip out and cause you a mess. If she handles it well, she’s learned something and you’ve treated a growing human with respect. If she doesn’t, your ass is covered.
i’d say that it would be the case of turning her down with her parents present as in some sort of intervention.
also, speak to her firmly, avoiding second interpretations, that the two of you cannot be involved in any way, and if she continues her behaviour she will face legal consequences. time to learn that if you f*ck around, you’ll find out.
The only right answer here is that being in a place where you have to extricate yourself from the situation means you are already deep in dangerous territory. Yes follow everyone else’s advice too, but if at the end of it you haven’t changed your behaviors so you are no longer exposed to this sort of risk, you still have a problem.
Rearrange your life so you aren’t alone with/having conversations with teenage girls. If that’s not possible, make sure you are never alone with them.
I’m surprised an adult hasn’t already heard this girls claim and sent the cops to pay you a visit.
You in danger girl.
"23 years old. own house . married. "
a work of fiction!
Not gonna lie, I wept a little for my own life reading that.
This is not a “how do I be polite” situation. This is a “how do I cover my ass legally” situation. Mistake it for the former at your peril.
I don’t know which country OP is from, but it’s completely legal in many countries. Source
Still potentially risky nowadays. Don’t take chances.
Not all the world is the US. Luckily.
But a lot of the world got caught up in their moral crusades, which they love to export.
Please tell everything to your wife first.
Tell your wife, her parents, and anyone else who will listen, then call the cops and complain of harassment and get a restraining order on her.
Idc where you live but there’s many places where lesbians in this situation will be treated as men and you don’t want it to ever get to that point.
No need to be polite. Set clear and firm boundaries and burn the bridge.
Right? That’s jailbait and a homewrecker.
I don’t think that’s fair, that’s a child. Children can get infatuated with people and they don’t have the experience or the frame of reference to measure the consequences.
She’s a teenager, teenagers who seek to ruin the lives of adults should rot in prison for life, they are not dumb, they know what they’re doing, especially if their way of doing so is abusing their victim status under the patriarchy to their own advantage.
The fuck they do. I had to go hunt down some tool grooming and using my kid at that age. A lack of confidence and want of external validation are powerful drivers to do stupid things that can have massive life changing impacts.
Holy shit who hurt you
No one, it’s cuz I cut that shit off before it ever gets to that point. Sorry not sorry but it’s the system we live in. As an LGBTQ adult I never ever speak to children and any interactions would get reported to the police. Better safe than sorry.
Prison will make them even worse. It’s a system designed to ruin people.
Yeah I’d wish for a better alternative but fundamentally any society needs some way to isolate wrongdoers to prevent them from doing wrong and it’s the only option we presently have.
Society has another mechanism to stop children from doing wrong. It’s called parents.
Clearly non-functioning in this case as the wrong has been started already
First, make sure you’re never alone with her. It’s important to have someone be able to vouch for you that nothing bad happened. Even if it’s not her intention, rumors spread and mutate in the most unexpected ways, and you’ll want to make sure you’re in the clear if it ever comes to pass that people start to suspect that you are having a relationship with her.
Second, you’ll want to speak with her. Make it clear that you are serious and that this is a serious talk. Whenever you see her next, just say something like “we need to have a talk.” Might be cliche, but the cliche aspect of it reinforces the serious nature of it IMO, since most people already associate that phrase with something serious.
You don’t need to be rude, but you need to be very clear where you stand on the matter. Make it clear that 1) you are not in a relationship with her, 2) you do not wish to be in a relationship with her, 3) you don’t appreciate her saying that you’re in a relationship with her. With talks of this nature, there’s no point beating around the bush. She may be temporarily hurt, but there is a difference between being hurt due to rejection and hurt due to injustice. She will come to appreciate the honesty in time.
Tell your wife the situation beforehand, because it’s possible the girl will tell lies in retaliation for her hurt feelings. If she’s been crushing on you the scenarios are already in her head, she won’t even have to make them up. Stay calm and remember you’re the adults.
It is not impolite to say something like “I’m married, and even if I wasn’t, you’re underage. We are not dating, and we are not going to date.”
She’s being very inappropriate in this situation. That isn’t really meant to be a harsh judgment of her because she’s a kid and kids shouldn’t be expected to how to behave yet, especially when they’re very new to experiencing feelings of sexual or romantic attraction. Shutting her down firmly (but without any cruelty) will help her learn.
First, I think there’s some risk if she’s telling people you two are dating. Definitely tell your wife, but you should also probably talk to her parents about it.
This is an opportunity to teach her about boundaries, appropriate behavior, and unrequited love in a relatively controlled environment. She will listen to you in ways that she won’t listen to parents.
You could have a direct conversation with her about how it’s not ok to tell other people that you’re dating. Tell her that it makes you uncomfortable that she knows you have a wife but still told you she has feeling for you. Tell her that you are happily married and not interested in dating a fourteen year old. Model clear communication.
And empathize with her that it’s hard to have feelings for someone that doesn’t like you back. Talk about how you’ve handled it in the past. Tell her that it’ll pass. Tell her what she should know as she grows up.
She’s a teenager, so her feelings for you will go away regardless, but I think you can make the rest of her life tangibly better by having a real conversation with her.
Uhhh screw respect in this instance? If this kid says something to someone, you could be arrested and brought before a court even if nothing happened. They clearly are already lying about the whole scenario. Burn that bridge, asap. I’d even possibly involve parents so they know what’s up. Clear the air before some teen gossip happens and things get out of control.