There’s a difference between alleviating someone’s fears when they are overthinking an interaction, and dismissing someone’s concerns as exaggeration or imaginings.
Maybe you are only doing the former. But your comment was wall-to-wall red flags.
If my comment was off the mark and my comment was not what you’re talking about then it is not an example of people not believing you its an example of me thinking you were talking about something else.
And the fact that you thought I was just talking about people being nasty, suggested part of the problem I am referring to. I am glad at least you are aware of the systemic issues trans people face, most people are not.
I can imagine saying they are exaggerating the impact of political legislation depending on what it is.
Yeah. This right here is the exact thing I’m talking about.
Because I point out those policies, and I get told I’m exaggerating about their effects and impact. Or I point out the transphobic rhetoric of politicians, celebrities, and influencers, and I get told I’m exaggerating about their effects and impact.
And I know multiple trans women in my friend group in a major world city who have had assholes try and physically mess with them. It’s not as rare as you perhaps want to believe. It’s not up to you to decide what other people are concerned about. It’s one thing to alleviate someone’s fears by reassuring them that assault is not likely. But it’s another thing entirely to dismiss their concerns as overblown.
I swear im the only person on the internet who treats trans people like normal people and not porcelain people who require 100 layers of bubble wrap just to go outside.
You can sod right off with this condescension, yeah? Trans people put up with inordinate amounts of crap, just trying to get by day to day. We get harassed and accused of the most vile things, we get discriminated against in healthcare and employment, we’re a political football and we see our lives being debated on the news on a weekly basis, we get kicked out or have to flee our homes.
We aren’t porcelain. We aren’t delicate. Quite the opposite.
But yeah sometimes when we’re with people we think we can trust, and maybe experience a little compassion for a change. And when we think we have found a space where we can let our guard down a bit, we can get a bit touchy about defending that. But can you blame us?
Just to be clear here.
Firstly, your previous comment was off the mark. While people misgendering you and being nasty to you is a part of being trans, that isn’t all I was talking about.
Trans people today are facing systemic threats. The things I worry about aren’t if someone is going to misgender me or be mean to me, but if I’m going to be able to maintain access to my healthcare, or if I’m going to be discriminated against in the workplace, or if I’m going to be harassed or maybe even assaulted if I go out dressed as I please. In other places in the world, families are being separated if the parent or child is transgender, and mainstream conservative politicians and influencers are calling for us to be forcibly detransitioned, or in some cases imprisoned or even killed because they consider us obscene, predatory, and a danger to women and children. It’s not mean, it’s genocidal. And it’s not fringe either, in both the US and the UK transphobia is not just popular, it’s policy.
If trans people only had to deal with getting misgendered now and then, I would be incredibly happy.
And your comment is an example of what I meant about people not really believing us. The default assumption a lot of cisgender people make is that the main problems transgender people face are about misgendering or pronouns or something, when the real problems are far more material, and far more dangerous. But even as I typed the above paragraph, I know there are people reading it who are going to think that I’m exaggerating. Even people who think that they are trans-supportive.
But then secondly, yeah. A trans person is telling you about what they go through, the transphobia they face, and you are explaining at them about why they are wrong about their own experiences. You haven’t experienced what they have, and if you are cisgender, you likely aren’t able to experience it. You say you understand the trauma. But you don’t. I promise you, you do not.
I don’t know what your friend was telling you. Maybe she was exaggerating, or imagining things. I don’t know. But if I were a betting person? I would favour the odds that you were dismissing legitimate concerns, and invalidating your friend. Because that’s what it is, nine times out of ten, in my experience.
Not the OP, but if you are soliciting opinions…
For me it’s the fact that nobody really believes us when we talk about our issues or even the things we personally experience. Even well meaning people, even friends, immediately assume that we are exaggerating or imagining things when we talk, or assume they know better about what is or is not harmful to us.
Like the obvious hateful transphobes are one thing. But getting that attitude from people one knows personally is tiring and more than a little scary.
Yes. So am I sick of our atomised society. But for goodness sake try to identify why that occurs.
The problem is capitalism. Because we are all fooled into competing with each other over scraps, rather than banding together into communities that are better able to provide support within themselves.
The fault isn’t that people explore their identities and find community that way.
To me this is basically a necessary feature of a fediverse app that wants to be similar to Reddit.
Smaller communities are fantastic, but one of the unique appeals of Reddit was that for the largest communities, they were likely one of the most populated communities for each topic available. So posting to that community ensured the broadest reach, and greatest likelihood of engagement or getting one’s questions answered.
I hope we can find a federated way of providing a similar experience. Perhaps via replication between instances.
Lovely…