I learnt that most Redditors don’t know how to piss and advise each other to prod themselves in the taint.

If you have a spare third drive (even an external drive) you can drop data onto, you could use Veeam free agent for Windows to back up the whole drive. It will talk you through making the recovery media (usb stick).

Acronis True Image is my preferred imaging software which can clone drives directly, but it costs money if you don’t sail the high seas.

Tell me more of these tablets of chocolate.

Is there such a land where the 1kg Cadbury brick still exists?

There’s a PolyMC going around here with one L, no sense of humour.