You can mostly go on github and suggest changes because most platforms are open source

Also this is not the community you are looking for this is for more open ended questions

Lemmy with a 1 user server would be annoying imo, simply because a larger instance lets you see more instances, when you search communities you will see far more options from across the fediverse, a 1 user instance is optimal in the sense that you have full control over your data and more control of what you see (unless you get blocked obviously) but otherwise nah. For matrix, obviously you’re trusting the server owner isn’t doing anything weird if you are not self hosting but I wouldn’t say it’s bad by default.

Lemmy is really easy to set up with ansible and yes you can use dynamic dns like noip that works fine, maybe I’d be worried using the free noip plan where you can very easily lose the domain though. Matrix is harder to set up but doable.

It sounds like your main concerns are your IP leaking to instance operators? Valid. The most private way with the least absolute hassle, in my mind, would be to just use an account on an existing instance but only ever access it via Tor or a a VPN over Tor if Tor is blocked by most instances. Haven’t checked. Can be a commercial VPN or a VPN on a VPS you have, but if you’re going for broke then only something setup and paid for anonymously. So via Tor or public wifi networks with a wifi cannon with random MAC & taking care to avoid cameras, and paid with XMR or a prepaid debit card bought with cash at a shop without CCTV, preferably months or years earlier if there’s cameras in the area.

1.) some websites state that lemmy prefers you to have one user server (that is 1 server with only 1 user ) , but somewhere else i read that you need to whitelisted by servers to allow you to post on their community

Having federation default to deny or default to allow new instances is up to the operators of existing instances. Unless there’s a central place like (join-lemmy.org) which can aggregate these settings automatically I think you’d have to do some digging.

3.) can i use duckdns or no-ip to get a subdomain and then host matrix /lemmy server there , how safe /applicable is that

Dynamic DNS services should be fine, unless operators of large instances start blocking them. Lemmy instances are identified by their full domain, including subdomains, but if it became a common abuse/spam vector then there’s no guarantees.

This is more of a support question, related to using and maybe hosting Lemmy. Please see the sidebar for a list of communities that offer support. Removing under rule #3.

@KDE@monyet.cc I’m using Firefish rather than Lemmy as a single-user instance, which in many respects might as well be the same thing, and to my surprise I’ve not had any noticeable difficulties getting other servers to federate with mine.